Exercise and Empowerment

Lately I have been trying to find ways to empower myself. I know, that sounds like a big pot of swiss, gouda and cheddar- SUPER CHEESY. But I honestly do feel that with an unpredictable disease like M.S, we should take every opportunity we can to feel like we have some sort of control over our lives.

I have found that the best way for me to feel like I have some sort of say in my disease is by developing a plan, and sticking to it every day. For me, that involves a healthy diet along with an exercise plan. Also, setting aside time for stress-busting meditation, and taking the medicines and supplements that I know will help me. Of these things, exercising daily is most certainly the hardest.

A little background on me: I grew up dancing and dance has always been my passion. I danced all though college and even through bouts of optic neuritis and neuropathy. I was also an avid runner, with four marathons under my belt and I worked as a personal trainer for years. Last year, the most debilitating fatigue I have ever experienced hit me. Getting though a 3 hour rehearsal or a 90 min dance class would lay me flat on my back for a good day following. I would also start visibly shaking and get very weak and dizzy after a dance class (literally crawling to the wall one time in a modern dance class. Humiliating) I realized that I had to adapt every workout for how I felt that day, week, month. This has been one of the hardest things for me to cope with. When I hear runners run by my kitchen window, the desire to get out there and feel the brisk morning air chasing me is almost too much. But I cant. At least not every day.

I've learned that if I set aside 30 min a day to exercise- I feel 20x better than when I make excuses not to. Some days I only have it in me to stretch and do very gentle yoga. Other times I have been able to run, cycle and even dance. All it takes is the MENTAL strength to say 'now I am exercising' and start. Of course, there are times when I have overdone it and spent the next day on the couch. But exercising actually helps me to understand my limits and know how to operate in a way that I move and stay as active as possible without making myself sick. And *yeay!* for endorphins! Nothing beats the great flood of 'happy' that comes after a nice workout.

Exercising is one of the ways I have found to empower myself. It reminds me that I have strength even if it's just the mental strength to TRY exercising. It reminds me that my body is this physical, powerful thing and that I am connected to it in a positive way.

Anyhow, I suppose I am on this subject because I feel so great right now- and the only thing that has changed is that I have gotten back on track with my diet and exercising. I am still dealing with the same symptoms I've had for a month (burning legs, numb face, bouts of trigeminal neuralgia) but I am feeling so empowered right now. I feel like I am FIGHTING M.S again, and not just sitting back and suffering. It's a great feeling.